Its been SO long

So I know I havent blogged in a LONG time, and Ive been thinking about it. But I have found its hard to blog when I have a cranky 8month old. HA! So my update; Autumn is still in school and is improving. Lily has gotten her 1st two teeth, and she stands now, and she crawls everywhere. I have been trying to bake cookies, and get ready for the holidays. Like Christmas shopping, not done. But on the 28th of December we are having a "Christmas" with my family, Riley will be here, and my parents, and my brother and sister in law are coming over. We did it last year too, this year we are gonna have Ham. mmmmm. I have my tree up, and last week we went to a Christmas party and won a new camera. Good thing too we needed a new one. Now its just keeping up with a baby who wakes up all the time. I have been so very tired, so if I drift off on something its because I have been having a hard time focusing. Ah I think I hear the baby beckoning me so I guess this is it for now. I hope to write more soon, Check ya lata, alligata.

Anxiety

I have had overwhelming amounts of anxiety lately. Its a lil stressful, I have no clue why either exactly, so its hard to control. But I manage, with a few mins stepping outside, and the heat going away its gotten a lil easier. But I know my medication is not helping, the side effects are worse then the anxiety.

Lily has been getting up a lot, and Ive had a lot of off feeling days, and days of not feeling well, and heartburn and various other things too personal to mention, lol. Im excited for Halloween though, I cant wait to get the girls costumes!!!! Autumn wants to be Lady Gaga (should be interesting since they dont have toddler costumes for Lady Gaga).

BACK

So I havent posted in awhile!! I know, I was on vacation then life got in the way a bit!!!

I went to Michigan for 3 wks, took the kids (Autumn, Lily & Riley) to the beach, and a splash pad, and shopping fun stuff ya know. Then came back; my mom was in Minnesota for a wk, we did the state fair, Duluth, dinners, stuff ya know. Then Autumn started school this wk. Today is her 2nd day, she loves it, except the getting up early. Ive been super busy working on a diaper cake for a friend's baby shower. She is having a boy, and having a Winnie Pooh theme, so I am doing a lot of orange and brown and green and blue. The cake is 3 tiers, 1 tier of newborn diapers, & 2 of size 1 diapers. I so far only have a few little travel size items, I plan on more. I am currently trying my hand at making coffee filter roses, we will see how that goes. And organza ribbon bows. The bows are easy! I also am hoping to get some ribbon for around each tier that is brown and blue plaid. Super cute. I have some more stuff, and very little time to do it all in (1 1/2 wks). Then I hope to get her something else that is from her registery, just to wrap up. and of course I forgot the freaking curtain that is Winnie pooh at my moms house!!! Crap.

I also have been painting the girls room! I am painting pink accent walls. And moved Lily back into Autumn's room. Autumn was becoming afraid of the little room Lily was sleeping in, oh and I am working on a screen (I have to put the fabric inside into it).

I still have to paint my upstairs bedroom, and the downstairs bedroom, and clean and carpetting, and SO much to do!!! I think this house could be a "home" but its gonna take a lot, and Dennis really doesnt want to put too much into it bc he wants to live more in the cities, which Im kinda ok with, but Id prefer an area I just dont think we can afford. We will see.....

WOW computers suck

So I cant seem to get anything done because my computer never seems to work. Its a little silly because its not even like anything major... See the screen on my laptop is cracked, so I have a monitor hooked up to the laptop, works great!! Really does!!!! Because the monitor reduces glare. But then suddenly the monitor started acting up, I would turn the laptop on (and you can tell when this thing is on) and then suddenly the monitor would turn off.... and it has been back and forth for weeks!!! Im getting a little more then annoyed, and would love to just buy a new whole system (a bit hard to do when you dont have work or money). But that is the deal if I dont write that would be why.

Id like to share a photo I took today though.

Lily is 4 months old tomarrow, I cant believe how big she is getting to be!!! Its crazy seems like it was just yesterday I was cleaning the house in preperation to be induced! She loves to look at things and baby talk to people!! Plus shes mommy's little cuddle bunny! Such a sweetie!

I WAS holding on but..

So its going to be an annoyed ranting blog today....

I was holding on so damn desperately to getting married to this man (my kid's father), but at this point I give up. He annoys me by making EVERYTHING a stupid debate, and when I open up its like telling me Im wrong ALL THE TIME! I want to get married, some for the fact that we have been together for nearly 5 continuous years, and another yr on top of that! We have known eachother for 7 yrs. Ive given birth to 2 girls for him, and nothing. I have gone through hell and back for this man and he thinks that he doesnt owe me anything, like "I pay the bills so I shouldnt have to help you, or anything" And on top of it I now no longer have health insurance because of his stupid income, and I cant get on HIS insurance bc HIS HR doesnt recognize a domestic partnership (which is what we are considered I guess). This ends up resulting in the fact I can no longer get my birth control, and my dental done (especially great since I had a filling come out), and if I get sick Im screwed.

I feel like he doesnt give a damn about this relationship we have, and I should just move on, and I think I would if I could find work and a home here in Minnesota with my girls. I love the state and dont want to live with my parents again/anymore, Im 27 I shouldnt be living with them!

I just want to kick him and tell him how much he hurts me, but if I did heaven forbid he might fly off the handle and who knows what, kick us out so Im left on the fly out of a home? I just give up, I guess the last person who wanted to be with me was my ex, who I really dislike!!

Blog out~

Day 24 Photo challenge

Day 24 is a photo of an animal, well I dont actively have animals nearby, and with no transportation I chose my oldest dog Tippy. Shes trained enough that she would let me get close without freaking out! Not bad I dont think, seeing as I got that where she is the focus, and the background (with Autumn looking on) was a big blurry, AWESOME!!!!

Day 22

I didnt realize that I didnt post this one... slipped my mind... Day 22 was a photo of hands. This took some trial and error, messing with lighting, flash, no flash, what to put under the hands, etc. It took me a good 8 shots or so. But I got a good one!!!!

And all the research I have been doing for this is REALLY paying off, now if I could only get my 3 yr old to take direction.